Title: Ramps: They aren't just for access
Author: Peach
Email address: Peach1250@hotmail.com
Fandom: X-Files
Pairings: Krycek/Skinner
Warnings: This story contains explicit m/m sexual relationship.
Rating: NC17
Date: 10/24/02
Archive: Fullhouse, others ask.
Website: http://us.reocities.com/peach1250/index.html
Disclaimer: The characters of Skinner, Krycek and the X-Files belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the Fox Network. This story is just for the entertainment not for profit.
Summary: Walter feeds Alex a southern dish that his great aunt taught him to cook.
NOTES: This story was a homework assignment by Ursula. Never get in a food discussion on one of her lists. If you don't know what a ramp is check out the following sites. By the way these grow in 'Cocke' County Tennessee. Recipe given at the end of the story. And they are delicious just chopped up in a pot of beans. But they give you the worse breath on the planet, just check out the article at the 3rd site.

  • http://www.polkagextension.com/ramppage.html
  • http://www.loc.gov/bicentennial/propage/TN/tn-1_h_jenkins5.html
  • http://web.knoxnews.com/news/venable/sv04292001.shtml

    Alex was still having trouble believing he had a job and a relationship but here he was in Friday rush hour traffic impatient to get home. Walter would be home from his trip to visit his aunt in Tennessee. He'd told Alex not to cut his day at work short since he was so new on the job. Walter had also promised him a home cooked dinner of regional Tennessee food.

    He pulled into the garage and tumbled out of the car as the connecting door opened. Throwing himself at his lover, he was greeted with a warm laugh, before being thoroughly kissed. He pulled back and sniffed the aromas floating out through the door. Whatever Walter was cooking sure smelled good.

    "I'm so glad you're home. I missed you. That bed's awfully cold without you."

    "Missed you, too. How was work?" Walter asked as he pulled Alex into the kitchen.

    "God, we sound so TV sitcom. It was fine. I'm really starting to get the swing of this whole making an honest living thing."

    "I knew you would. Want to shower before dinner?"

    "I'm pretty hungry, is it almost ready?"

    "Won't take long, just need to grill the tuna. "

    "Well, get to it. Your man had a long day at the office; he needs his dinner."

    Walter smacked Alex's butt as Alex took off his jacket and yanked down his tie.

    "Have a seat then and I'll finish up."

    Walter moved over to the built-in grill of the stovetop. Placing the tuna steaks on the grill, he then laid the long vegetables that Alex assumed were leeks on the grill on either side. Opening the fridge he took out a couple of beers and twisted off the caps. Placing one in front of Alex, he took a long pull at the other.

    The oven was opened and the cornbread muffins were dumped into a napkin-lined basket then covered to keep them warm. These were placed on the table as Walter turned back to the stove to turn the vegetables over.

    "You know, Walter, I was expecting something like chitlins when you said you were making me a southern dinner."

    "Have you ever smelled chitlins cooking? The neighbors would have called the EPA on me. No, we'll save the heavy stuff for when I take you to visit them."

    "So what are you making, besides tuna steaks? Are those leeks?"

    "No, Alex, you are about to taste something that grows wild in East Tennessee. These are ramps. They're the first thing to come up in the spring. I also brought home some poke salad that I'll cook for you in the morning, with eggs and hog jowl."

    "Hog jowl?"

    "Don't worry, it tastes like bacon. You'll be fine. And I also brought some country ham. If you're a good boy, I'll even make you red eye gravy."

    Walter turned the vegetables again and flipped the tuna steaks over. Then he picked up a mason jar and opened it. Sticking a spoon in it top he set the jar next to the basket of cornbread. Holding up an even bigger jar, he smiled at Alex.

    "This is my uncle's special recipe homebrew. Could take the paint right off the walls, so we'll dilute it when we have some later."

    Hand pressed against his heart, eyes opened wide in mock shock, Alex said, "Walter Sergei Skinner, do you mean to tell me you brought home white lightening?"

    "I couldn't very well insult my uncle now, could I?"

    Alex shook his head and made a tutting sound. Walter just grinned, then began fixing the plates. Alex watched as the beans were placed in the center of the plates, topped by bite-sized pieces of the grilled tuna. Drizzled with vinaigrette, the ramps were aligned to either side.

    Walter set the plates down then took his seat. Alex grabbed a muffin before taking a bite of the fish. He gave an appreciative moan at the great flavor.

    "This is good, Walter. What's the stuff in the jar?"

    "That's called chow chow. It's a relish made with cabbage, onions, green tomatoes and peppers. Try a little on the fish."

    Alex used the spoon to place a little of the concoction on his next bite of fish. He followed that with a bite from one of the ramps on his plate.

    "Did you add garlic to this?"

    "No, that's the natural flavor. Tastes like a cross between garlic and onion doesn't it? You like?"

    "Yeah. Can you grow these in the garden next year?"

    "They grow wild. I don't know if you can cultivate them or not, but I'll check into it."

    The rest of the meal passed in relative silence. Walter sent Alex up to shower while he cleaned up, telling him he'd bring up dessert. When Walter reached the bedroom, Alex was settled in their bed, watching TV.

    Placing the small tray on Alex's lap, he told him, "Have your dessert, Alex. I'm going to grab a shower then come to bed."

    "Kiss first."

    Walter bent down to kiss him and watched as Alex wrinkled his nose. He looked so cute, Walter planted a kiss on the end of the small tip.

    "Walter, you need to brush."

    "I will but it won't help, Alex."

    "What do you mean?"

    "The ramps give you bad breath."

    "Mine's ok, isn't it? I mean I brushed then used the minty stuff."

    "Sorry to tell you but brushing and all the minty stuff in the world won't help. You have to let it wear off."

    "Wear off? Walter, you're pulling my leg."

    "No, Alex, I'm not. I'll be out in a few. Eat your brownie."

    Walter disappeared into the bathroom. A few minutes later he opened the door to show Alex that he was indeed brushing. Then back inside the bathroom only to appear again a few minutes later to show Alex that he was using the mouthwash. Alex actually timed him as he swished it in his mouth for a full minute.

    Coming back into the bedroom, Walter took the tray and set it on the dresser. Sliding under the covers he pulled Alex close to kiss him. After the kiss Alex pulled back.

    "Walter, you still smell."

    "Alex, I told you I would. Ramps give you bad breath for about three days and no amount of brushing and gargling will get rid of it. And you know if we get all sweaty, you're going to smell them in the sweat, too."


    Alex's wail made Walter laugh.

    "What are Walterrrrring me about?"

    "If you knew they would make us smell so bad, why didn't you wait until you had fucked me through the bed to feed them to me?"

    "Because I only get them once in a blue moon. And you liked the flavor, didn't you? Besides, I don't care how you smell, I can still suck your cock."

    "Will they make my come smell like that?"

    "No one will ever know except me so why does it matter?"

    Walter flipped the covers back and proceeded to show Alex that bad breath didn't affect his cock sucking abilities one little bit. When Alex had finally recovered from being sucked inside out, he returned the favor.

    You know, he could live with bad breath for a day or two, especially if it meant Walter would spend most of the weekend attached to his dick.

    As he was drifting off to sleep, his back spooned against Walter's chest he asked, "Walter, poke salad doesn't give you bad breath, does it?"

    "No. Poke salad is a lot like spinach. Now go to sleep. Tomorrow we'll work out and see if we can sweat most of this out."

    Alex fell asleep thinking Walter was teasing him again. Boy, was he in for a surprise!


    Grilled Tuna Steaks with Ramps and Charred Tomato Vinaigrette



    Prehead grill to high

    Add one tbsp of salt to one quart of cold water and the beans. simmer over medium heat for about one hour. Check after 45 minutes for doneness. They should be soft but with just a slight bite to them. Remove from heat and drain. If not used immediately chill in ice water and reserve.

    Toss the tomatoes in 1/2 tbsp of the salt and 1 tsp of the pepper and 1/4 cup of the Olive Oil. Grill over high heat turning often until charred all the way around. Remove from heat and cover in a bowl until soft all the way through.

    Combine tomatoes, 1 tbsp of salt, 1 tsp of pepper and the rice wine vinegar in a food processor and puree. Slowly add all but one tbsp of the Olive Oil until well incorporated. Adjust the seasonings and reserve.

    Rub the tuna steaks and the Ramps with the remaining Olive Oil, Salt and Pepper and grill the Tuna for only about two minutes per side. The Ramps should be grilled for about the same time or until soft.


    Place a mound of the (warm) beans in the center of four plates. Slice the Tuna into about 5 slices and fan over the beans. Drizzle the vinaigrette around the plate and top everything with two grilled ramps on each plate.

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