The Fine Line Between Pain and Pleasure
Disclaimer in part 1
Part 10: To frown at pleasure, and to smile in pain.
When I got home Walter was soaking in the tub. I leaned down to kiss him hello and asked him not to come down until I call him.
"What are you up to, Fox?"
"It's a surprise, Walter. Now will you wait? Please?"
"I need a bribe, kiss me."
He's so gorgeous when he smiles. I lean down and kiss him again then hurry to get everything ready. I set the table, put out candles, set up the stereo, and put the food on the table. Then I call him down.
"Fox, this is nice. Ok what have you done?"
But his eyes are smiling as he tries to put on his AD face.
"I just want to give you as wonderful a night as you gave me last night."
During dinner we talk over where he should take Bri while she is in town. I tell him that I'm still a little worried that she won't like me. He again reassures me that she will love me. After dinner I click on the stereo. As our song starts he pulls me into him arms again. I'll never get tired of hearing his voice singing in my ear. His mouth covers mine as the song ends and I cling to him. He raises his head as he hears the next song start, looking puzzled. The puzzled look increases as I start to sing to him.
*Hold me, hold me Never let me go until you've told me, told me
What I want to know and then just hold me, hold me Make me tell you I'm in love with you
Thrill me (thrill me), thrill me (thrill me) Walk me down the lane where shadows will be (will be) will be (will be)
Hiding lovers just the same as we'll be, we'll be When you make me tell you I love you
They told me "Be sensible with your new love" "Don't be fooled, thinking this is the last you'll find"
But they never stood in the dark with you, love When you take me in your arms and drive me slowly out of my mind
Kiss me (kiss me), kiss me (kiss me) And when you do, I'll know that you will miss me (miss me), miss me (miss me)
If we ever say "Adieu", so kiss me, kiss me Make me tell you I'm in love with you
(Kiss me) kiss me, (kiss me) kiss me When you do, I'll know that you will miss me (miss me), miss me (miss me)
If we ever say "Adieu" so kiss me, kiss me Make me tell you I'm in love with you
(Hold me, thrill me, never, never, never let me go) (Hold me, thrill me, never, never, never let me go)
FADE (Hold me, thrill me, never, never, never let me go)
We held each other close and danced through the song then he kissed me gently.
"Thank you, Fox. That's a beautiful song. How did you find that?"
"Frohike helped me. I wanted something from your generation of music that would say what I feel. That line * When you take me in your arms and drive me slowly out of my mind * is especially accurate. Every time you touch me I'm lost in you. I love you, Walter."
"I love you too. Thank you for the song. Wait! Did you say Frohike helped you find the song? What excuse did you come up with for wanting an old song like that?"
"Walter, Frohike figured out about us awhile ago. He's been teasing me for years about you. He realized how I feel about you before I did. So when I went there after our first weekend together with hickeys showing and a well-fucked look he guessed. I couldn't deny it. I don't want to deny you or us. I will do it for the sake of our jobs but not with my friends."
He pulled me up close and kissed me hard.
"Thank you again my, Foxglove. Thank you for wanting to claim me. Let's go to bed so we can drive each other slowly out of our minds."
"Just a minute, Walter. I have one more thing to do. I mean I have something to give you."
I pull away from him and go over to the coat closet to get the ring box from my jacket.
"I wanted. I know I didn't ask... Damn it, Walter, I'm so nervous about this. Would you."
I can't even get the words out so I just hold out the box to him. He looks down at it for a minute and my heart sinks. His hand reaches to take the box and he still hasn't looked at me. I watch as he opens the box and looks at the ring. He takes it out and looks inside knowing I would have had it engraved. Slowly his eyes raise to me and all I see is love. He puts the ring back in the box and hands it to me then holds his left hand out. His hand is steady and he watches me as my shaking ones take out the ring and then slip it on his finger.
"What's the matter, Fox? Didn't you think I would except your proposal?"
His voice is soft and teasing. I have no words I'm too happy and stunned. Happy that he's willing to wear *my* sign of ownership. Stunned that he loves me so much. I fling myself at him and he chuckles as I climb up his strong body. His hands squeeze my ass as he turns toward the stairs carrying me like a child up to our room. I snuggle my face into his throat, as I whisper that I love him. Our lovemaking is frenzied and hard as we try to devour each other. When it's over we are too tired to even clean up. I fall asleep with him still deep inside me only to wake in the morning with him moving slowly and gently in me once more.
I wake him in my usual way the next morning. He makes that low keening noise I love and I reach to stroke his cock bringing him to climax quickly. Only after he has come, do I allow my own release. As I nuzzle at his throat he wiggles back against me keeping me imbedded in his welcoming body.
"Foxglove, did you think I would refuse to wear your ring? Is that why you were so nervous last night?"
"Well I offered to wear a ring but you hadn't said anything about one to me. So I didn't know if you would want to. I was afraid I was being too pushy or possessive."
"I'm possessive about you. It's very good for my ego that you feel the need to *mark* your territory. Not that you have anything to worry about. I see how men and women both look at you that's why I want you marked. So at least the honorable ones will stay away. The dishonorable ones would never tempt you."
"What do you mean I have nothing to worry about? Don't you notice how people *male and female* drool over you at work. You are both the most feared and most desired man at the JEH. No one will ever tempt me, Walter. As long as you want me I will be here."
"Then my beautiful one you will be here forever."
"Forever. I like sound of that."
I kiss him soundly then swat his butt and tell him to get moving. Bri will be here tomorrow and we need to make sure everything is ready for her visit. It will be good to see her. I know she will love, Fox.
We spend Sunday getting ready for Bri's visit. He shops because we discovered during his early days home from the hospital that I don't do that well. Actually I knew that but had to try since he was supposed to be *resting*. I air out the guestroom and put clean sheets on the bed.
And worry. I pray she will like me. After hearing him talk about her I believe that if she hates me it will affect our relationship maybe even end it. I fidget through the day. I have trouble sleeping until he rolls over on top of me and holds me down until I drift off. At work on Monday I fidget until Scully runs me out of the office. So I change and go for a long run to burn off some of the nerves. When I get back there is a big vase of foxgloves sitting in the middle of my desk.
"Where did these come from?"
"Well, Mulder, I assume that your mate sent them. Fox, foxgloves. Makes sense to me. I just wonder what outrageous price was paid for them. They aren't exactly something you can pick up at any florist you know. I hope you appreciate how much you are loved."
There's no card but then I don't need one to know they are from Walter.
Finally it's time to go home and pick up Walter for the trip to the airport. We get there early so we can be at the gate. The plane arrives and starts to empty. I spot her when she walks off the plane. She's tiny like Scully but has those same chocolate brown eyes my lover has. Her hair is more silver than brown and is resting on her shoulders. When she sees Walter her face lights up and she runs to him. He swings her up into a hug and they kiss full on the mouth. Then she tries to strangle him with her hug. When he sits her down they turn to me.
"Bri, this is my Fox. Fox, my sister Bri."
She smiles and I know they could never deny each other. Then she is holding out her hand to me.
"It's nice to meet you, Bri."
"Sergei, you didn't do him justice. He's beautiful."
I blush and make some gesture and she looks at my ring.
"I can see why you wanted him to wear a ring. Have you pissed a circle around him?"
"Bri, you are embarrassing him. He doesn't know how we talk to each other. Our family insult hour hasn't been explained to him."
He is smiling down at her and her eyes are twinkling.
"Let's get out of here brother mine so we can indoctrinate him properly. Are you going to feed me? You know I won't eat that airline slop."
We start toward the baggage claim area and she loops her hands through our arms. She points out her bags and we are soon out of the terminal. At the car I put her bags in the trunk while Walter opens the door for her. He drives us to his favorite seafood place and they trade insults back and forth all the way there. Once we are settled at a table she turns those chocolate eyes to look me over again.
"You know, Fox, you really are beautiful. What do you want with my big lug of a brother? I'm sure you could do better."
"Bri, are you trying to ruin your only brother's love life?"
"Oh hush you. I'm talking to Fox."
Walter is grinning and I realize that this is a game they play so I grin back at her and join in.
"I can't for the life of me figure that out either. Maybe it's because he *is* big."
Walter's head turns toward me and his mouth drops open, but he recovers quickly as his sister bursts out in laughter.
"Well, Sergei, Sharon certainly didn't catch on that fast. I think you'll fit in just fine, Fox."
Dinner is over too fast. The food was excellent and the conversation better. The two of them feed off each other for material. I spend most of the meal trying to keep up with them, adding very little unless asked. It's wonderful to see him smiling so much. Their love for each other opens a door on my pain but I stuff it down. I wonder how hard he has to work to keep his sense of humor hidden and be the stern AD. Another door to my lover opened.
I watch my lover as my sister and I dance through dinner. He is taking it all well. I was worried about how he would respond to Bri and me trading insults. Our house was always filled with laughter. My mother takes insults to a new high and I'm glad Fox will have this time with Bri to get used to the idea. I think he can take her better than he would mother. He needs Bri's *indoctrination* before meeting mother. He even manages to slip in his own zingers. Like that crack about me being big.
When we get home Bri decides to go to bed early. Fox and I turn the stereo on low and dance together to our songs then sit on the sofa and talk. He tells me how much he loved seeing us laugh. He says my sister is a beautiful woman and he hopes she likes him. I tell him he worries too much.
"Come to bed my, Foxglove. I want you."
"But, Walter, your sister is in the guest room."
"Don't you think I've had sex with my sister in the house a time or two?"
"But that was different. That was Sharon. Don't you think Bri needs to get used to the idea of us before she hears you trying to fuck me through the bed."
"Guess you'll just have to be quiet for a change."
I lead him to our room and undress him quickly. Once he is naked and my hands and mouth are on him he soon forgets to be worried about Bri hearing. Doesn't take long for him to be making all those noises I love.I hold him after and he whispers do you think she heard. I answer oh yeah she heard.
Walter wakes me the next morning in his usual way. It had slipped my mind that his sister is in the next room until after I scream his name as I come.
"I think she definitely heard that one, lover. Better go get your shower and get ready for work. Bri will have your breakfast ready by the time you get through."
I moan and he just chuckles at me. I hurry through my shower thinking maybe I can slip out without her seeing me. I'm almost to the door when I hear her voice.
"Fox, breakfast is almost ready. Come eat before you go to work."
I follow her meekly to the kitchen and sit at the table while she pours me coffee.
"It's good to know my brother's recent surgery didn't have an adverse effect on his love life."
My face flames I can feel it. Walter walks in the door in his robe just as she finishes her sentence.
"Bri, don't tease him."
"But brother I want to compliment him on his vocal range. Sharon was so boring with those little whimpers. Fox, manages to make your name sound like a benediction when he screams it. And what would you call that noise you had him making last night?"
"I call it keening and I love hearing him make it."
"Is that why you kept doing whatever causes it."
"I am in the room you know!"
"Yes, Fox I see you."
She leaned down and kissed my cheek.
"Don't mind us too much, Fox. I've always teased my baby brother about his love life. I had the misfortune to have every female he ever got it on with tell me how wonderful he is in bed."
"Well, he is a real stud muffin."
Her laugh rang out and she looked up at her brother.
"He's learning, Sergei. By the time I leave he'll be able to handle anything mother throws at him."
"I just hope I survive the two of you. I can see it now you'll have him ganging up with you against me. I'll be torn and bleeding and you'll laugh like Snidely Whiplash. I warn you, Fox, if you start growing a mustache I'll whip your ass."
Bri had turned back to the stove so she missed the leer he threw at me when he said *whip* I just hope the red was gone by the time she turned back with my breakfast.
I sit and eat breakfast with two of the three people I love most in the world. I stay quiet this morning and let them talk to each other while I pretend to be interested in the paper. When Fox gets up to leave for work I walk to the door with him and kiss him goodbye.
"Have a good day my love."
"I will. Have fun with your sister."
I go back into the kitchen and Bri is pouring me another cup of coffee.
"So what do you think of him, Bri?"
"He's even better looking than you told me. He's obviously smart. Dresses well. I notice you are both wearing rings. You told me he was wearing one and why. You didn't say you were too."
"He just gave it to me Saturday night. He was afraid I wouldn't wear it. You should have seen how nervous he was."
"Is he worried about you finding someone else?"
"Shit you think I sound insecure you should hear him. Everyone he has ever loved has left him. I'm trying hard to let him know that I won't."
"But you still think he will leave you?"
"Bri, look at me I'm an old, bald, set in his ways surly bastard. He's brilliant, handsome could have anyone male or female he wanted. Right now I am giving him what he needs but what happens when I can't?"
"Sergei, if you think sex is all you are giving that man you are wrong. You never looked at Sharon the way you look at him. I heard the stereo last night and you singing to him. I never heard you do that with Sharon. I'd be willing to bet the ring you bought him cost a hell of a lot more than the one you gave her. He told me you sent him foxgloves and that his partner commented on how much they must have cost you. You should have seen the look in his eyes when he told me."
"So do I have your blessing?"
"Sergei, I want your happiness where ever with whom ever. I can see he makes you happy. That's all that matters to me and it will be all that matters to mother too. I'm going to talk to her when I go home. Don't start! You know I can tell her easier than you can so let you big sissy take care of it for you."
I know when she gets like this there is no use in arguing, so I kiss her and whisper thanks.
*Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me
- Artist: Mel Carter
- peak Billboard position # 8 in 1965
- previously a # 5 hit for Karen Chandler in 1953
- Words and Music by Harry Noble
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