September 11, 2001

Dumb Jokes and Ignored Writing

"Proudly bringing you Bobby's little sister jokes since 2001"

A special citation
A long Jonathan Marc Sherman citation
Another damn qoutation
More Jonathan Marc Sherman
Jimmy is my hero
What love is...
A little poetry from Emerson
For all those Alice in Wonderland fans...

"One can acquire anything in solitude, except character." - Henri Stendhal, author of On Love

Afterward by Adrienne Rich

Now that your hopes are shamed, you stand
At last believing and resigned,
And none of us who touch your hand
Know how to give you back in kind
The words you flung when hopes were proud:
Being born to happiness
Above the asking of the crowd,
You would not take a finger less.

We who know limits now give room
To one who grows to fit her doom.

"Then, as time went on and their taciturnity had become habitual, they became embarrassed at the thought of breaking the pattern, of intruding upon each other. And so they were silent, each wishing that the other would speak first, and each afraid to say anything to break the long silence." - From The Losers by David Eddings

"If you hit him when you aim, it'll just be luck." - Seymour from Seymour: An Introduction by J.D. Salinger

"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can." - From The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

"I'm... too old to lie to myself and call it honor." - Nick Carraway from The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

"The compensation of a very early success is a conviction that life is a romantic matter." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

"But don't give up hope. Everything is cured sooner or later. In the end we shall shoot you." - From 1984 by George Orwell

"No man is useless while he has a friend." -Robert Louis Stevenson

"Because you don't want to admit what you are. Drink the last beer, go home, have a piss, jerk off and pass out. And you will have completed your mission on earth for one more day. It's the way it is, pal, it's the way it is." - From Suburbia by Eric Bogosian

"But it was an experience. I will not turn him into an anecdote. How do we fit what happened to us into life without turning it into an anecdote with no teeth and a punch line you'll mouth over and over for years to come ... How do we keep the experience?" - From Six Degrees of Separation by John Guare.

Give me Women, Wine, and Snuff
Until I cry out, 'Hold enough!'
You may do so sans objection
Till the day of resurrection;
For, bless my beard, they aye shall be
My beloved Trinity. - John Keats

"There's nothing I can do but try to climb out of the trenches I've dug because I can't see underground. And I'm saying that I understand what it's like to be living in spite." - From Living in Spite by Midtown

"Life is the crummiest book I ever read, there isn't a hook, just a lot of cheap shots, pictures to shock and characters an amateur would never dream up" - From Stranger Than Fiction by Bad Religion

"Freedom is such a loaded word, so full of hurt and such aplomb. Loneliness saunters in its breeze, like a disease it drags along. The time of you life can't be had for a song." -From The Lie by Bad Religion

And if I'm reaching you
Don't you feel guilty
And there's nothing to do
And you can only help me
And I may never learn
But you can only teach me
I'm not sure where you're trying to go
All I'm saying is that you reach me

-From You Reach Me by Blues Traveler

I bet a lot of people are shocked (yeah, right) at the name change of the site. The old title was devised back in my freshman year of high school and it really isn't appropriate for the goals of the site anymore. I still did not start it to give you my profile like all those other piece of shit pages. This page will make you laugh and feel ashamed at the same time. This page is still for sick and twisted people like me, but I will strive for more serious items such as the qoutes above and my own writing below. (As if any of you cared.)

7/18/01 - A week late but that advice update has been completed, enjoy! On a side note, I attended the Reel Big Fish/Goldfinger show a couple of days ago. Rx Bandits, the first group to play, threw out these novelty, penis shaped balloons to the crowd. The crowd messed around them and whatever. About four hours later I was waiting for the Goldfinger set to start when a little 8 year-old girl sits down in front of me with one of the penis balloons. She starts to play with it and even bites the top of it. It has to be one of the funniest (and erotic) things I've ever seen.

6/17/04 - New shitlist, enjoy whores.

My Opinion
Advice page
Shit List
Writing page
Stephen Lynch
Cross Country

Alex's webpage Some of you avid fans may recognize that Alex helped birth the advice bit. You can sort of think of him as the midwife to my enlarged cervix and stretched vagina of a comic mind. Or something like that.

James Bridgeman

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